The Fork in the Road, Who Lives and Who Dies

by Jonathan Bekemeyer

 

As a Junior and Senior in high school, I worked at a theme park.  You know the one; it is mouse friendly and located in the middle of a peninsula.  I worked at the “headquarters” park (if you will) and in the parking lot.  We were kind of like the “grunts” of the establishment.  We were hot, sweaty, dirty, sarcastic, angry, and always in harms way.   I can only imagine how dangerous it is down there these days, with all the texting and driving that goes on.  I started at the bottom of the chain and quickly moved into a shift supervisory position.  Here I was, seventeen years old and working part time at a major theme park and being trusted enough by management to oversee a shift which included full time employees twice or even three times my age.  That is a story of a different nature though.   I basically rode around in a pickup truck and was the first line of defense as problems arose in the parking lot.  Now, to fully understand this responsibility, you must first understand that the parking lot is a massive operation.  The parking lot is twice the size of the park itself.  We had to handle getting guests parked, and then we had to handle transporting them to the ticket gates.  It is a coordinated process that if not handled appropriately and skillfully, can quickly become chaotic and dangerous.  I learned some very valuable leadership lessons during my short time working there, one of which is the “fork in the road”.

 

There are certain days of the year that it is anticipated for the park to sell out.  We will use July 4^th for an example.  On July 4^th, we already know the park is going to reach capacity.  Once it reaches capacity, we shut down the parking lot.  In other words, a family pulls up to the toll booth just before the park and is waived through without having to pay a parking fee.   Feeling happy that they have already found a way to save a buck, they proceed down the road.  The next person they come to would be me and I am standing at a fork in the road.  To my left is the road that will lead them into the park, to my right is the road that will lead them back onto the interstate.  By nature, I am well suited for this job.  Since I had moved up to a supervisory billet, I often found myself doing this job.  I would unapologetically point cars, in mass numbers, back out onto the interstate.  Every so often, I would receive radio traffic indicating that some suit inside the park has calculated that a certain number of people had left and therefore, we could let that corresponding number of guest in.    I would then pick and choose, based on certain criteria, which cars would get to proceed into the park for a magical day.  Not as easy as it may sound if you consider that many of these people had travelled great distance, or had been in the park earlier that day and had left so the kids could nap at the hotel.  I learned to make a decision quickly and based on incomplete information, and to stick to my decision.  I had to prepare myself before going to the fork in the road.  I had certain equipment I needed such as cones.  I needed to have a communication plan to include frequencies and call signs.  I needed to make liaison with security and have them out there with me.  I also needed to mentally prepare to be exposed to all sorts of emotions.  It was undoubtedly going to be my fault that the park had reached capacity, and I was going to undoubtedly pick up some new cuss words in several different languages.  Nonetheless, I was entrusted by my managers to handle the situations with tact and accuracy.  Mentally preparing was nothing to take lightly. 

 

Roughly eight years later, I found myself once again standing at another fork in the road.  This one involved deciding who dies and who lives.  As a section leader in charge of 24 Marines, any time we were outside of friendly lines, I was in a position to decide who lives and who dies.  I was not just in charge of 24 Marines; I was also in charge of the weapons organic to our section.  We were a “Combined Anti-Armor Team” and had two .50 caliber machine guns, 2 mk19’s (fully automatic 40mm grenade launchers, and 2 TOW guns (wire guided ground missiles).  We also carried our full array of personal weapons, advanced optics, javelins, light machine guns, medium machine guns, AT4’s and demolitions.   Lastly, I had the ability to call for close air support.  Before we took the city of Fallujah, I was responsible for about ten miles of a four lane highway.  This was a major artery that ran from Baghdad to Ramadi and beyond.  It also touched the outskirts of the most dangerous city in Iraq at the time.  After about two months of keeping the MSR safe and clear, we shifted our mission to a full out assault on Fallujah.  This was a major urban assault.  As you may be able to imagine, I was on numerous occasions faced with a decision.  I stood at a fork in the road and decided who lived and who died, either directly or indirectly, on a daily basis.  All of us that fought in those streets, stood at that fork in the road.  All who have made contact with the enemy throughout history have stood at that fork in the road.  Combat carries with it a steep learning curve, and one that redefines mental and physical preparation.

 

Now, eight years later, I once again am standing at a fork in the road.  We, in the fire service, stand at that split every time you check in on the engine.  If you don’t realize it, then please take a minute to reflect on it and accept it as reality.  If you refuse to accept this reality, then shame on you.  We have people who are entrusting us with their lives and their property.  Imagine a water rescue incident where you deploy and find four individuals fighting for their lives.  You have to choose who you rescue.  Not fun to imagine, but it is your duty to contemplate these things.  How we train is how we will fight.  The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war.  Does this not apply to our profession?  You bet you’re a** it does.  The same is true for the mind.  If you don’t prepare mentally, you will not be ready.  You will fail at the fork in the road.  Complacency kills, trust me.  Imagine the worst case scenarios, struggle with them in your mind.  Envision them, and imagine yourself mitigating them.  When I taught marksmanship to recruits, I would stand in front of platoons of nervous recruits, sometimes numbering almost 100 at a time.  I would teach them to lie in bed at night and envision themselves on the 200 yard line, the 300 yard line and 500 yard line.  I would tell them to imagine themselves on the qualification course, and I would tell them to envision themselves taking each shot through the entire course.  Do you think I taught them to imagine every shot in the black?  Absolutely not!  I taught them to imagine the majority in the black, but also to imagine missing periodically.  I taught them that when they imagine a missed shot, stop and analyze.  Don’t freak out.  Focus on the fundamentals.  Get back in the black.  I was teaching them to strengthen their mind in terms of marksmanship.  I was also teaching them how to prepare their minds for adversity during the qualification process.  This is an extremely stressful event for recruits.  If they don’t prepare their minds, they will fail.  After all, without knowledge and mental agility, you are useless.   You will not be able to deploy your physical skill set.  What I am getting at is to prepare your mind as well as your body for the worst.  Prepare physically and mentally. 

We have all taken an oath.  This oath is more than a badge or the raising of your right hand.  It is more than a sticker on the back of your vehicle or a Facebook status.  It is certainly more than a paycheck.  When you check in on that apparatus, you have just renewed your oath for that shift.  You have sworn to the people in your district that you will be there in their time of need.  Whether it is a stuffy nose, a cardiac event, or a structure fire with numerous entrapped, you are the one who will be joining them in their arena.  When the tones drop, you respond to that persons’ arena.  The majority of the time, that arena may not seem like much to us.  Imagine a pro baseball player at his sons’ little league game.  Would you expect him to be acting harsh towards the little kids?  Would you expect him to be condescending?  Different topic I suppose, but I think you can see where that point is leading.  What about when the tones drop and you find yourself en route to the major league arena?  Are you prepared?  Are you ready to face the horror?  Are you ready to go the distance, both physically and mentally?  Are you ready to “risk a lot in order to save a lot”?  If you haven’t already imagined yourself in this situation and really meditated on it regularly, then the answer is no.  It is pounded into us to “risk little to save little”, but trust me on this…If you aren’t mentally and physically prepared to risk it all, then you will find yourself incapable when the situation presents itself.  You will find yourself standing at the fork in the road, and pointing to the interstate.  The difference is that in our profession, that interstate may lead to death.  Don’t be the one pointing to the interstate when the park is open.  Prepare yourself, take responsibility, and accept the fact that every time you are tagged in, you may have to decide who lives or who dies.  Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.  Prepare to stand at the fork in the road, saving life and protecting property.  Prepare your body, but do not neglect your mind.

 

In closing, I hope this offends someone.  I hope that someone reads this and resents it, because that indicates someone has read it that really needed to.  Maybe you read this and ask “what right does he have writing such things?”  Well, I will tell you…for one, my life depends on you as well.  Think about it, there are only 9 of us responding to a structure fire on duty for a 1^st alarm.  Do our fires burn cooler or slower than a big city?  When you think of special operations units going into combat, what do you envision as far as staffing?  Smaller units, correct?  They can get away with that due to extensive training and formulated tactics.  Typically, they are the cream of the crop.  They are stronger, faster, and smarter.  This is because they have to rely even more heavily on each other.  Do we have 40 firefighters responding on our first alarm?  Do we have designated ladder companies and rescue companies?  No, we have to be proficient in all potential billets, and we have to rely heavily on each other.  There is no room for slackers; we do not have the numbers to allow us to double up the chain in order to make up for weak links.  Can we always save a persons’ life? Can we always save a persons’ property?  No, sometimes the parking lot is full.  But should you find yourself at that fork in the road with room in the parking lot, and should you fail someone counting on you due to your own complacency, then you most certainly deserve to carry that weight for the rest of your time on this earth.  I do not wish that on my worst enemy, and I would do anything to protect one of my Brothers from having that burden.